Harry Potter and the Random Adventure
by Deriman
Summary: Harry's bored because Voldemort's dead. What will he do now? Have a random adventure, of course. A semiplotless possibly humorous take on something that hasn't ended yet. It's all in good fun, eh?


**Harry Potter and the Random Adventure**

_A Fanfic by Drei_

Chapter One: Somewhere over there... Rainbow

Everyone in the Wizarding World knew they were famous. Or at least, they were fictionally famous. And they all liked that they were. They also liked that even though they were pretty well known, no one believed they existed.

"Poor Muggles," they'd shake their heads, amused "Wouldn't be able to open a door if they were leader of the free world. Bless their tiny little heads."

Of course, they knew some people insisted they were real and that Harry Potter was a clever ploy of trying to pass fact as fiction. In truth, it was. They thought it was really rather clever. And they didn't mind that Harry Potter himself commissioned it. But that's because Harry Potter was all powerful. Some damned prophecy said only Voldemort (yes, they can say his name now, it's the name of a rather tasty cupcake) could kill him. And Voldemort was busy being dead.

In fact, they actually liked reading the books about Harry and his friends. It made them think of their days at Hogwarts. They could only wish their time at Hogwarts was as interesting.

A lot of Harry's friends did not talk to Harry much anymore. They had all become too busy reading various fan fiction written about them. Some did so to find people to obliviate, murder, or both. Some did so for pointers. Some did so to have something to reenact. And some, they wrote the raunchy stuff.

But Harry Potter himself, well, he found himself a bit bored. Defeating Voldemort wasn't nearly as exciting as he thought it would be.

"Voldemorts and Tea, sir?" a well dressed man interrupted his reverie "They're quite poison-free."

Harry had gotten rather tired of people trying to test his apparent deathlessness. And poison usually made him rather gassy.

"No thanks, Rainbow," Harry said with a straight face.

Rainbow was his butler. It did take him a while to stop sniggering at the name his butler had, and Rainbow took no mind of it. He was a butler and butlers do not let being offended get in the way of good service. But it was, indeed, his name. A good wizarding family does not let a funny name get in the way of absolutely dry character, after all.

"Very well, Master Potter." he said.

"I'm going on an adventure." Harry announced, standing up. He sighed. "I'm bored as a drop bear."

"I'll arrange it" the butler said. "Where to, sir?"

"I bloody well don't know. Find me a cursed pyramid." Harry scratched his nose, "Is Ron still busy trying to find a way back in time to find out if he's actually Dumbledore?"

"No, sir," Rainbow said as he set a suitcase on the table "I think he's practicing more British interjections, sir."

"Er," Harry said, raising a pierced eyebrow "Get him for me. I need my sidekick."

"I can come, sir." Rainbow said, folding a teacup.

"I'll need a dramatic unexpected cavalry rescue." Harry said, thoughtfully "It's part of my undastardly plan."

"Of course, how could I have been so stupid." his butler excused himself to call Ron.

* * *

"Bloody hell," Ron said, hopping off the fireplace "Your chimney is unnaturally clean."

"All the soot magically goes to your nose, I think." Harry said, grinning.

"Closest thing I can get to a tan." Ron smirked, rubbing his nose "Drives Hermione insane, she's tried licking it off. That was fun."

"I did not need to know that." Harry laughed, "Where is our favorite egghead?"

"Wait," Ron searched his brain for something appropriate and British to say. Unable to think of anything, he said "Probably in the library."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Still sharp as ever." Harry told Ron, sarcasm dripping heavily unto the carpet.

"Thanks." Ron replied, simply. "What's the plan, now? I was thinking of yelling pip pip at passers by."

"Random adventure." Harry said in a monotone, "Dunno. Should we invite Hermione?"

"Yeah, nothing like being told we're idiots," Ron nodded his head enthusiastically "Especially during a life and death situation."

"True." Harry picked up an owl and set it on fire. "Hotmail. I invented it."

"That's just stupid, even for me." Ron frowned, "Let me try. Wicked evil."

* * *

By some magical force (probably an unbarbecued owl with a note), Hermione did get the message and thought it might be nice to take a break from beta reading Draco/Harry/Ron slash fiction. She took care to suggest adding the word idiot when referring to Ron. She was also responsible for many frying pans falling on top of Vulnerable!Draco's head.

"Hello, Harry!" Hermione gave him a hug "And Ron. Wipe your nose."

"I have." Ron said, annoyed.

"I'd say something clever and intelligent but it'd be wasted on you." Hermione said "Besides, I can't think of anything right now."

"That's good." Ron said, raising an eyebrow. He knew something was coming, he just didn't know what.

"Good? It's absolutely brilliant. I've finally realized how bloody stupid you are."

"And how much is that?" Ron asked, making a face only he could make.

"Er, guys." Harry waved his hands "I'm here. This is my house. Remember?"

"I obviously can't. I'm apparently so dumb, I'm drooling as I speak." Ron said, making angry faces at Hermione.

"Would you like to, Ronald Weasley?" Hermione said, grabbing her wand. "It's a simple enough hex."

"Stop." Harry said forcefully. "I will not stand for any of this."

Suddenly, a chair moved behind Harry.

"A Seat, sir?" Rainbow's voice asked from the entryway. "Honey Glazed Voldemorts and hot cocoa for you and your guests, Master Potter?"

"Yes, please." Harry took a seat.

"Ugh, Honey Glazed Voldemorts." Ron made a disgusted face "I can't believe they named food after that git."

"Harry," Hermione decided to get to business "What is this adventure you want us to go now? Does it involve a jacuzzi? A poison rose? Polyjuice potion? A cursed ring?"

"I can't believe you're such a Draco/Harry shipper." Ron said, even more disgusted.

"You should stop making that face. It might get stuck that way." Hermione frowned.

"I think it already is." Harry said, glancing at Ron.

"So, Harry?" Hermione asked again.

"I don't know. It's just a random plotless adventure. The plan is to go to some random ancient area, find some random artifact..."

"Make sensual sounds, shoot a tiger, and be British?" Hermione continued, "Old plan. I think I've heard it before. Want me to conjure you some big gajungas?"

"Gajungas." Ron muttered, "And I'm immature?"

"Shut up, future ferret." Hermione stared daggers at Ron.

"Tiger. I was thinking of Egypt," Harry interrupted quickly, "But I guess a deep jungle in Asia works."

"Egypt is sort of in Asia, isn't it?" Ron asked.

"Part of it, I think. And don't start, Hermione." Harry said, grabbing a bag.

Hermione furrowed her eyebrows. "Frying pan," she thought "I need a frying pan."


End file.
